you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
