belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
