He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
