I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
