He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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