Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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