the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
