I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
