Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
