doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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