how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize