He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
My penis needs a shock collar
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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