I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
