LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
