piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
