I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
