are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
now i know why i became what i already was.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
