i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
