Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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