I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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