I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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