i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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