Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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