Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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