I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
