im drinking this country out of the recession.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
