U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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