Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
