I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
