I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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