i think my tv is drunk
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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