I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I love having hate sex.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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