I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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