He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
