Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
