goodnight i made you a song goodbye
this beer tastes like vomit already
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
