so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
