How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
