i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
you never un-have a 4some
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
