You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
