Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
