I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
