Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
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