i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Randomize
