I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
