You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
