Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize