the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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