isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
