6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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