How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Randomize
