Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
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