i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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