I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
