I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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