You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Randomize
