im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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