I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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