omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize