"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
