She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
