Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
