I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
