Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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