I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
