Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
